joy = f(my_comfort)

i've always thought of myself as a somewhat flexible individual, not very high maintenance (hm), and i still think i am… but, i guess we all have our hm side! 

being in lima, i realized how much i enjoy comfort.  being comfortable is so much more than sleeping in a comfortable bed, having clean/comfortable clothes, having a comfortable home … but it also includes the comfort of "knowing."  for example, to "know" what this day has in store.  to "know" that your family and friends love you.  to "know" that there is consistency and safety.  the comfort of consistency may come from a restaurant.  consistency may be provided by your family and friends, knowing that they are there.  the comfort of consistency from your car (reliability).  the comfort of knowing what a lazy afternoon looks like.  all these things keep us in a state of comfort, but why? 

can i offer a simple explanation?  cause we're in control of it.  of course, having comfortable things adds to that, but besides comfortable material items, being in control gives us comfort.  imagine you wake up in the morning, and none of your gadgets work.  start with your alarm (i'd be late for work), then comes the hot water (water heaters broken), then you realize you're out of tooth paste… well you catch my drift.  ahhh, stress!!!  everything is falling apart, things are no longer in your control.  what you expected to happen, is no longer happening.  it is no longer a comfortable situation.  

i thought comfort wasn't that big of a deal for me… apparently not.  where am i going with this? 

well, its this:  my joy is circumstantial.  for those engineers out there, joy = f(my_comfort).  my joy is dependent on my comfort.  the thing with this variable "comfort," is that it unfortunately stretches beyond physical & material comfort.  it also hinges upon emotional comfort, and even social-status comfort.  and because of that, my joy can fluctuate a great deal and some what easily. 

the Lord has been impressing a lesson on my heart - where does my joy come from? 

be joyful always…  give thanks in all your circumstances…  i have learned the secret of being content in all circumstances…

boy do i have a long way to go to become perfect.  haha. 

where do i feel uncomfortable here?  haha.  i'd bore you with too long of a post.  :P  but, praise the Lord, i've grown in comfort in many many areas.  let's just say, it's taken 6 months to just scratch the surface of getting comfortable.  however, there was a price to pay.  a few weeks ago, everything kind of came collapsing in on me.  the comfort level was at an all time low, and thus my joy = f(my_comfort) also plummeted. 

i lost sight of something.  Jesus.  (yeah, us Jesus freaks drag Him into everything.)  i needed refocusing... when tsunami's devastate nations.  when loved ones pass away.  when nations war against nation.  when business seems like its going no where.  when a loved one gets cancer and undergoes therapy after therapy.  when you know every taxi driver is ripping you off.  when you have no control nor do you understand anything.  when you receive sorrowful news.  Jesus.  He sits at the throne of God.  in charge.  in control.  in power.     

i'm not saying these things are trivial (as they are all personal).  i'm not saying these things shouldn't hurt.  nor am i saying these things should be brushed aside.  what i am saying, is that somewhere in the chaos, confusion and uncertainty, He is still in control.  and in that, i will try my best to have joy.  in that, i will try my best to give thanks.  and ultimately, in that, is where my comfort should be.  Lord, help my joy to be like this:  joy = f(my_comfort(Jesus))

america del sur

a few years back, i was interested in taking a few years off.  i wanted to find a vineyard some where in france to work as a vineyardist.  actually, they're called "viticulturists" (but i like vineyardist gooder.)  to show my seriousness in this endeavor, i even took a french class.  don't mess with me, i was serious!  can you imagine this guy in a vineyard?!  

the desire is still there, but the motivation fizzled away.  you think i lacked purpose and direction for my life? 

i then turned 29, went on a trip to japan and taiwan.  after which i decided to take one year off to see if God wanted me in full-time ministry.  i was then asking the Lord for a destination in south america to spend 9 - 10 months as a short-term missionary.  i contacted south america missions, met up with a missionary, and was in the process of filling out their application... but there was just no clear leading.  it was then time to head off to the ranch.  i figured these applications can be filled out in the summer while i sought after God's direction in His creation.  

being a slacker with little self control, those applications never saw the light of day.  however, i cut myself some slack... there just wasn't clear leading i told myself.  plus, wouldn't you rather guide a raft down the klamath or lead a low ropes course?  or in your spare time go squirrel hunting? 

head shot.

my grandfather passed away in late august, and i really desired to spend more time with my grandmother in taiwan.  without specific plans set in stone, taiwan was where i headed next.  i was still interested in serving the Lord as much as i could, so i checked with mr. jason wu from omf, to tag along for any ministry opportunities.  i also invited two white boys from the ranch to play in asia for a month.  after trevor & tomoko's wedding in september, i found myself in asia (hk & tw) with willis and ej, in various ministry opportunities, various funny situations and terrible living conditions for them (i still feel horrible for letting them sleep on hardwood beds).  

young school girls wanting a piece of the white man.

scooter day in chiayi.

taiwan's an entire entry in itself.  the time in taiwan for 3 months, was unbelievable.  it solidified a few convictions in my heart.  it healed a lot of how i felt about taiwan.  it drew me closer to my father and his family.  what a blessed 3 months.  my dad says i will probably never have a time like that in my life again.  hehe.  he is most likely right, but Lord willing, i'd like to prove him wrong some day.  (hi daddy!)  :P

we arrived in hk in early october, with willis & ej, and i met up with an old acquaintance - ms. lau!  over lunch, she heard of my year off and asked if i'd be interested to work for her in lima, peru.  where?  south america.  interestante.  to do what?  to manage a start-up importing company for the petroleum industry in south america.  to do what???  does the company provide housing?  yep, you'll have an ocean view apartment.  ms. lau, you know i have no experience in this area.  yep, i know.  you know i speak nada spanish.  yep, that's okay.

got it. 

*gulp*

my mind:  Lord, what is going on?!  did i want another job?  what happened to serving you full time?  why does my heart find this interesting and why am i drawn to this?  utter confusion.  while sitting on the kowloon side, looking at hk island praying and asking the Lord for direction, conviction and clarity, God didn't send a fleece to speak to me.  :( 

after 2 months of prayer, i decided to accept her proposal, with a few terms.  i was still technically employed by northrop grumman, so i was to go as a volunteer.  second, i was given a trial period of 2-3 months.  if things just weren't a good fit for her or for me, i could return to northrop grumman in may, or pursue other endeavors.

upon returning to los angeles in january, i fell sick and never thought i'd get a proper visa in time.  that came through, even when i needed more pages in my passport, cause i was out.  i was able to get plenty of hyperthyroid medicine to last me till may.  (i was to return to the states in may, cause of jack & pri's wedding, which was beautiful!!!)  i was able to pack.  and my church gave me a wonderful farewell by sending me to the airport. 

jack & pri's wedding

i arrived in lima, peru on monday, january 11, 2011.  (there sure are lots of 1s in that sentence.)  anyways, i was picked up by a mr. santiago ramirez (i think i can guess by the name as to where i'm at now...) and driven to my apartment and then to my office.  i met ana & a-zen for the first time.  a-zen decided to leave the company after three days of my arrival.  i had the runs for the following 2 months, daily.  haha.  and ppl say i lost weight, they must be seeing things!

i turned 30 9 days after arriving in lima.  by march/april of 2011, it is was clear in my heart that i was to stay beyond may.  if the Lord allows, my plan is to work here for 2-3 years.  if i am helpful to ms. lau and united america petroleum (uap), i will stay longer.  if uap is still around after 2-3 yrs, that means the Lord has guided me and provided for me.  up to 6 or 7 years, depending on where the company is, i will strongly desire to go into full-time ministry.  Lord willing to some missions organization doing specifically mobilization like mr. jason wu, or participating in some extent with missions.  maybe just to rub it in, to go back to taiwan and spend months with my father while helping out various ministries.  it'll complete a full cycle.  i will then be 36 or 37 years old.  will i be married?  will i have children?  will i only be able to last in peru for 1 year and jet?  as much as i can plan my life, He is in charge of it.  but, most importantly, i will know this ... God and i will be tight.  He will have led me through peaks and valleys, joys and pains, triumphs and failures that i will never have experienced if i stayed in my cubicle at northrop grumman.  whether there are more failures than triumphs, or more joys than pains, He will be my God and i will choose to follow Him.

please keep me in your prayers... for steadfastness and protection.  to be strong and secure in Him.  that i may gird up my loins and fight for the Lord.  and when the going gets tough, He will be my comfort and i will be strengthened by Him.   please pray for me, in terms of missing my family and friends back home.  i miss you guys dearly!  :'(



i'm 30 now, i definitely picked up a grand new adventure here in america del sur. 

the big 3.0.

i'm 30.  

crap.

need i say anything else?

what are blogs for anyway?!

its amazing how fast time goes by.  i havn't had a solid post for almost 1 year, and its been long overdue.  this blog was to keep friends posted on my life... it definitely hasn't been doing its job!  what good are blogs good for anyway?!  its bout time to get it to work for me.

my past thoughtful update was when i was at the ranch and just reflecting upon the time there.  that was right after i took a leave of absence from northrop grumman, slightly over 1 year ago.  since then, i've had 7 new girlfriends, developed the ability to share amazing hilarious stories and been able to dunk.  its been an amazing year!  haha.  although that didn't happen, i lost 2 grandparents, turned 30, and moved to south america.  its been a very rich year.  amidst the bewilderment, heartache and joy, the Lord is good, is faithful and always sovereign. 

losing both of my dearest grandparents have provided an extremely yet confusing set of emotions.  i'm glad they're gone yet i miss them.  i wish i was by their side when they left, but i wasn't.  i'd like to feel more strongly about them leaving, yet i don't.  what's wrong with me?!  haha.  but, ultimately, God decided that it was time for them to go.  i will see my grandmother in heaven, no doubt.  however, with my grandfather, i struggle with this.  he was baptized, yet, i never saw him intimately walk with the Lord.  not something i dwell too much about, a mystery that will one day be revealed.  but, more importantly, makes me think of my immediate beloved family - my mother, my sister, my father, and my two twin brothers.  i suppose moving myself down to south america doesn't really help things.  man, can you imagine the depth of meaning when Jesus said those that do the Father's will is our brother and sister?  (mat 12:46-50) and that the church is our family.  sorry church sisters, but my sister holds far greater value in my heart than you guys.  :P  how can you not when she looks like this. 

i digress, ultimately, i cherish and love my immediate family so dearly -- even with their dis-functions, oddities and annoyances.  and as a child of a divorce, i got myself two families.  double the dis-functions, oddities and annoyances?  :P  on another note, my twin brothers are adorable!  i love them so much, i don't even know why.  so family ... is important.  gotta learn to cherish them.

yes, he's spitting water at me.  haha. 

i want to continue, but i shouldn't.  being vain and conceited, i enjoy ppl reading my blog and i know if its too long and without pictures, you guys will be bored.  you guys are like me when i was 7 or 8.  i only chose books with lots of pictures and little words.  dr seuss was amazing!  (odd, but amazing).  and his books were really big.  made me feel really good finishing one of them.  so... i'll reflect and ramble a bit more on turning 30 later.

peace outside!  (james lin - this is for you) 

home.

home is where the heart is.

after 4 months at the ranch, today i get to go home!!!

the Ranch

it is hard to believe that as we approach july 4th, i've been out at the ranch for almost 6 weeks. it feels as if my sister's graduation, saying good-bye to my good friends and coworkers at northrop grumman and driving up the 5 was but yesterday.

since then, the Lord has brought me to the ranch, safely, took me through river guide training, admist 40 degree weather, meeting 100+ summer staffers, and a whole lot more! since it has been 6 weeks, i'll list the highlights.

- river guide training -- 9.0

when jonathan leduc, the one in charge of hiring the men summer staff, asked me if i wanted to get river guide training, i was hesitant. did i really want to take off from work 1 wk early and lose an additional $1k from work? after some prayer and consideration, i'm glad i made the decision to come out early.

river guide training was so memorable in itself that it was worth it! when do you ever get an opportunity to learn how to guide a raft down white water? we had 2 days of indoor instructions, then it was off to the river. by mid second day, they asked us to jump into a roaring rapid. roar!!! basically to learn and experience floating down a rapid, the to dos and not to dos. and learn how to save guests out of the rapid. keep in mind, the weather that day was raining at roughly 40+ degrees and the river was flowing! and it was cold, even with 2 wet suites on. i must say it was an experiece of a life time. we had to cut river guide training short, due to the weather conditions. last day of training, we took out at 39 degree weather with rain. we got back to the ranch for dinner and it started snowing. praise the Lord, none of us got sick and i had a blast as i was warm. i don't think everyone enjoyed it as much as i did.

also, river guiding has been so much fun! praise the Lord, that no accidents have yet to occur, however, that doesn't say much, as i've only guided 3 guest rafting trips so far, summer staff and second wind (2 days). this week will be my first week out on the river. please pray for our safey and strong girls to paddle or i'll be calling rock side a whole lot.

- low ropes -- 9.0

i've always wanted to be a low ropes facilitator. low ropes is my favorite, and as my mentor/teacher, maury carlisle, says it best, it reveals the things of the Lord. and you can facilitate low ropes in so many ways, whether it be team building, team dynamics, leadership development or spiritual, i like maury's approach and focus primarily on spiritual matters. it has been such a blessing to be used by the Lord and reaching and teaching spiritual matters to the guests.

circumstances don't make us or break us, they reveal us. please pray for me, as i get the opportunity to facilitate low ropes. there have been a few busts and its not easy to take away eye sight or the ability to talk or limbs from dad's who paid thousands of dollars for a week long camp. its even harder to ask piercing, convicting questions to dad's who's lives have been focusing on careers for the past 20 years and not on the things unseen. 2 Cor 4:18.

- ranch summer staff -- 6.5

it has been really interesting meeting the 100+ summer staff. i must say, i am out of my comfort zone for a few reasons and hence the low rating. personally, it has been one of the harder challenges this summer as i battle with loneliness and insecurity off and on.

1. i am definitely not one of the popular cats around here. that has actually been pretty revealing of my character and my sinful heart.

2. there is definitely a generation gap or a culture gap or probably a bit of both. as the summer staff range between 17 - 29 (i'm not the only 29 year old!), the mean would roughly be around 21, that's a junior in college. the youngest just graduated high school, while 85% are still in college. i don't even know what's cool for that generation... second, almost all these guys are from the south. just in terms of culture, its drastically different. i've never gone hunting before, some of these guys can name of ducks and deer like its nobody's business. what are southern girls intersted in? beats me! which leads me to my next point...

3. i definitely do not know how to conversate with girls, or at least girls in this crowd. my girlfriend in high school used to say i flirt a lot, and i'd come back with i'm just being friendly. since college, i stopped flirting or "being friendly" with girls. now i just don't know how to relate with them. fortunately, i have a God that cares for me, and will eventually provide the right girl.

none the less, i have become good friends with a few guys. pray for me, as the relationships grow deeper, that they will be long lasting and encouraging to spur each other on toward glorifying our Lord Jesus Christ. please also pray that i continue to grow in being "me".

- programs -- 8.0

i've been trained and have been working at the rodeo, high ropes course, alpine tower, odyssey course, and the lake activities. this has definitely been fun, learning how to tree lizard, belay people and communicating to guests instructions clearly.

- riding an atv -- 8.5

sick!

- serving the Lord -- 10.0

day in and day out, the work i do, directly benefits the kingdom of God. check out Heb 11:10. i am participating in kingdom work, being used by our Master, the architect and builder of the city to come.

more to come with pictures!

Day Eight - FRIDAY!

i heart fridays.

we woke up to a beautiful sunny morning, compared to last nights snow storm! well, it was so nice, that tre recommended a delicious bakery in town. so we started our trek via bike ride. he rides soo fast, i keep falling behind.

tre = master biker in the snow.
me = n00b.

regardless, with my slow bike riding skills, we eventually got there safely.

post brunch, we walked around a bit and stumbled upon a local shrine/temple. like a secret garden, except open to the public. not too secretive after all. :P

it was such a gorgeous day that shades were essential.

prayer requests. seems like, people always needs prayer.

on our way home, again, trevor riding a mile ahead of me, i was able to get his attention and we stumble upon this beetle shop.
the owner and his wife were so nice and just chatted with us. actually, only trevor. he even gave us beetle souvenirs and a mixed tape of battle of the beetles!

these are supposed to be cockroaches!
if they were cooked, would you try it? i think i'd give it a shot. :P

hercules beetle!

we got back to tre's and we just hung out. eventually trevor fell asleep and i got really really hungry around 4:30pm. so i stole his bike and decided to get lost and look for some grub! this was after him telling me, we need to be at church at 6 and dinner will be at 6:30. i ate two meals in the span of 2 hours... i nearly died.

that fish... was amazing.

noodles were made at church by ms. yuyu. sorry no picture of her. i think it was the first time ever, that i couldn't finish my ramen...

post dinner was fellowship time. i had such a good time. we worshiped and read the word and went around sharing what we got out of the passage. it was amazing and so refreshing to hear a familiar worship song, but sung in a completely different language. i wanted to just sit there and listen to them worship my God.

psalm 150:6 - let everything that has breath praise the LORD.

chillin afterwards.

these boys were making such a ruckus... haha. unfortunately i could not upload the video!!! :( what's wrong with blogspot.

the girls are just as silly!

they are such clowns and so much fun. crazy japanese kids, put such a smile on my face. :D

and cause i was still hungry (not!), the boys decided to go grab some mcdonalds.

and again, this is what we came out to...